rogershenk.com

Your answer to an unsatisfying life!

 

 

The Only Clinically Tested Lif-e En_Hancement Product!

- Guuaarantee hourly feelings of joyy, peeace, fulfillment or other happy sensation (or commitment back)

- Experience Longer Lasting and More Enjoying Satisfactionn in Life

- Easy to Apply, No Odor or Discoloration, Your Neighborrs don’t have to know!

- Does Not Require Getting Rid of Old Habitts… unless you want to

- The More You Just Beelieve, the Haappier You Will Be

- Millions of People are Enjoying the Benefit of It

Check Jes-Uss Out Tooday!

Do you ever wish your life could perform better for you? Well, wish no further. Why be stuck with your boring, screwed up life when you could experience…

LIFE CHANGE!

God has a Great Adventure for your life! All you have to do is “commit your life” to him, and apply a few practical principles, and God will do the rest! He’ll fill your life with pleasure and peace!

It’s a wonder the whole world hasn’t gone after the teachings of Jesus!

But you’re probably wondering, “What’s the catch?” There is none! Not only is it comfortable and easy to apply, here at Life Enhancement Group we’ll entertain you during the whole process! You pick your music, and grab a cup of coffee or tea, and then just sit back and relax! That’s all! We ask nothing of you but just that you listen and check a box!

No salesman will call! You won’t be added to any list! Your privacy will be respected no matter what!

STILL NOT CONVINCED?

Maybe you don’t feel like checking a box. That’s okay. While there are certain benefits to checking the box, it is possible to make the necessary applications without anyone ever needing to know! At Life Enhancement Group, you are free to check out the claims of Christ for as long as you need, to see if they are for you. No deadline! No pressure!

In the past, people have tried to sell these time-proven principles for the very high price of having to “die to yourself.” Because of the superstitious mindset of prior generations, and the sheer power of these principles, many did pay the price, and did find happiness! But modern research has revealed that the majority of people simply “left the gift unopened.” The price was too high.

Until now!

By special arrangement with the Creator, we are able to offer this Life Enhancement without cost!

• No tears!
• No need to confess your sins!
• No pressure to make a public confession of faith!
• No persecutions!
• Baptism is optional (but we offer it as a service to those who want to “take the next step!”)
• Small Groups are optional (but we offer it as a service to those who have extra time on their hands and need help connecting with people!)
• Tithing is optional (but we do take a collection for those who want to “give back to God” as an expression of gratitude!)
• Serving is optional (but it does enhance your self worth to volunteer for a worthy cause!)

In fact, the whole thing is optional! You don’t even have to believe that this is the real deal. Just select and apply a few principles each week and see if it works! We’ve already replaced the old-fashioned word, “repentance,” with the power word, “decision” — and now, for you, we’ll even broaden the meaning of “faith” to include “heck, what can it hurt?”

AND THAT’S WORTH CELEBRATING!

So what are you waiting for! Make a decision for Christ, and experience God’s great adventure for your life — complete with love, joy, peace, fulfillment and lasting happiness! Enhance your life today!*

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*DISCLAIMER FOR THE HARD OF HUMORING:

Life Enhancement Group is not a mockery of the Gospel, or of the Church. It’s a mockery of what a worldly world (imagine that!) and selfy selves *hear* when the Church positions the Gospel to appeal to their world-bound and self-interested desires.

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ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMER FOR THE OFFENDED:

Any similarity of terms and images is no mere coincidence. I’ve heard it, seen it, read it… and said it, promoted it and written it my own self. And I repent.

 

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 20th, 2007 at 10:40 am and is filed under the uninvented church. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.